Opinion: More Mysteriously Dead Iranians

Authored By Rabbi Ben Packer

This Week Today
Current Events from Israel

What can I say? The world is a crazy place these days! I am no economist (I took the lowest math level in college, and that class was a one semester-long incredible party! Not such great minds think alike!). Still, those who took the money they made during Covid and invested in real estate in Israel have done pretty well for themselves. Everyone else – a bit less. Now back to geo-politics!

More Mysteriously Dead Iranians

This week, two more Iranian scientists/terrorists died under mysterious circumstances. Both were reported to have worked on armaments, specifically for the Iranian proxy Hezbollah. In response to this and many other mysterious deaths, Iran has vowed revenge against Israel/Israelis. As a result, Israel has activated the highest security level warning for Turkey, where Iranian agents are believed to have infiltrated and plotted to attack Israelis, specifically those with connections to the Israeli military. Some Iranians have already been detained by Turkish security, and no Israelis have been hurt. Although one Israeli in Turkey says two white guys physically attacked him with MAGA hats on…..some racists question his version of events.

In addition to the apparent assassinations, Israel may have attacked Syria this week and destroyed the runways of the Damascus airport, which has been forced to close. Israel accuses Iran of using the airport to smuggle weaponry. After the attack, Israeli officials warned that Syrian leader Dr. Bashar al-Assad’s palaces could be attacked if the transfer of weapons continued. Meanwhile, Russia condemned Israel’s actions against the airport. They are so funny, in like an ironic way, not a pathetic way, like Norway is as an entity. More on that loser country soon.

Coalition Government Has Entered Hospice

Another member of Naftali Bennett’s Yamina party, Nir Orbach, announced this week, after many meetings with Bennett, that he would no longer be supporting the government and voting with the Opposition. It is now reported that Orbach has reached a deal to run with the Likud party in the next election, which could be quite soon. There is a scheduled vote for next week, proposed by the Likud, to call for new elections. Here’s the thing: if that passes, Yair Lapid becomes Prime Minister until a new government is formed. Nobody, possibly not even DJ Lapid himself, wants that. There is the possibility that a right-wing government could be created without going to elections, but that seems very unlikely. Not as far-fetched as Biden fixing the inflation situation, but still not very likely.

Meanwhile, in apparent preparation for possible elections, there are reports that the Yamina party and the New Hope party are negotiating to merge. Both aren’t polling great, with New Hope polling below the electoral threshold and not even entering the Knesset. The same could be true for Yamina once more of their current Knesset members bolt from that trainwreck of a party.

Briefs: Women, of all kinds, in Israel continue to get killed by their Arab male partners. We are being told that the solution to stopping this lies in some international agreement against violence made by Turkey. Somehow that doesn’t seem like the best idea. Although probably better than what Norway would suggest, which would probably be to stop eating so much.

-Speaking of bad ideas, President Biden has announced that he will be coming to visit Israel next month. Hopefully, he’ll bring little Hunter Biden with him. That guy sounds like a ton of fun. I can see Hunter taking a note out of the Western Wall and using it to roll something to smoke. The pictures will be epic. Welcome, Bidens!

Israel signed a deal this week to export natural gas to Europe through Egypt.

It seems the previous government started this deal, and the current one is taking credit for it. Shocking. I haven’t seen that before. The conflict between Russia and Ukraine has caused an energy problem for Europe so they might talk a lot of smack about Israel, but they need our gas and are willing to pay. The Arabs will deal with delivery, just like they used to do with the African slave trade. The juneteenth reference nailed it!

-Finally, if you didn’t already know, Norway sucks. This week they announced that they would be labeling all Israeli products from Judea and Samaria and the Golan Heights as made in the “west bank” or something like that. Of course, they are not doing this anywhere else. Unclear if this will affect Israel since most of the products involved are food, and most Norwegians appear to be anorexic. Israel should ban Norwegians from coming here until they quit their hatin’. Anyway, Liberia announced they are opening an embassy in Jerusalem. That’s a no-brainer. I’d take Liberia over Norway everyday day of the week and Shabbos!